What If
by the charmed citlali
Summary: As Buffy sleeps, her 'What Ifs' come true... set during season 7... my first attempt at this stuff... please review... Just finished!!!!
1. Midnight Walks

Chapter 1: Midnight Walks

Buffy tossed in her bed. She couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep. She stared up at the ceiling. Buffy started to think something was wrong with her. Well, even more so than usual. She turned again, flipping around, tangling herself in her comforter. Sighing irritably, she got out of her bed, pulled on her robe and walked down the hallway. Out of habit, she checked on Dawn. One arm was flung across her face and drool trickled down her cheek onto her pink pillow. Buffy smiled. Her little sister. She still couldn't get over the harsh fact that she was once a ball of energy capable of destroying the universe. The all-powerful Key. Buffy had died for her sister, not for the Key. She shook her head, forcing the thought of her death out of her mind. 

She quietly closed the door and continued down the hallway. Willow's bedroom was next to Dawn's. Buffy peeked in on her red-headed wiccan friend. A pang of guilt stung Buffy. Willow had been her best friend ever since she had saved her from vampires some six years ago. Buffy watched Willow mature, from a meek, shy girl, to a somewhat confidant witch. Willow had been there for Buffy every step of the way and knew Buffy's feeling's even though she sometimes didn't share them. The guilt pain sharpened when Buffy thought of how Willow had walked on the black side of magicks to bring her back from the dead. That ordeal had left Willow exposed to evil and had almost destroyed the world when Tara died and Buffy almost died, again. Buffy hadn't saved the world that time. She couldn't even save her best friend. Instead it had been Xander, and his endless amount of love for his friends that had stopped scary, veiny Willow. Buffy started to close the door when she spied a head of blackish brown hair nest to the red head. It was Kennedy, one of the Slayers In Training. Willow and her had become, uh, close during this pre-apocalypse show. 

Downstairs, she carefully stepped over SITs in sleeping bags. The TV was on and Buffy switched it off. Xander was fast asleep on the couch, snoring lightly. Next to him was the fair-haired Andrew. He was the last member of the incredibly annoying group, The Trio. Willow had flayed Warren, the ringleader and Tara's killer, alive and Andrew, possessed by the First, killed Jonathan to open the Hellmouth. Buffy wished for a camera to snap the Kodak moment and tease Xander for life with it. 

Squeaky noises from the basement aroused Buffy's heightened senses. Descending down into the cold, dank, room, she stopped at the foot of the stairs and watched Spike toss and turn on the old, army cot she had set up from him after she found him in the basement of the school, being brainwashed by the First. Buffy shuddered at the thought of the last time her and Spike were together, before he left and came back with his soul. She didn't understand how that made all the difference to her. He was still a vampire after all, just now with a conscience. That last time, he had crossed a line that no one would be able to erase. He had tried to rape her, one of the lowest, foulest, most evil thing someone could do to another. Yet, when he had come back, soul in tact, and she saw his anguish and remorse, she forgave him. 

Their entire relationship played out like a Greek tragedy. After everything that they had been through together and that they did to each other, they were sill strongly attracted to each other. As much as they'd deny it in front of everyone, everyone could still tell. Even the SITs who swooned over the vampire secretly, Dawn who couldn't be more thrilled if they ever did get together, even Xander, who hated Spike and wouldn't like anything more than to sweep him up with a broom, knew about their lure to one another. Giles knew it only too well, and had only become fully aware of Buffy's caring for the vampire after he had tried to convince her of the danger of Spike and his part the First used him for. After that ordeal, the rift between slayer and watcher widened tremendously, and Buffy made it clear that Giles no longer played a significant part of her life.

Buffy's eyes wandered over Spike. His chiseled facial features, supple lips, lean yet muscular body. She even liked his wavy, way too gelled, peroxide blond hair. She didn't think it was a Billy Idol complex either, it was pure Spike. When he was William the Bloody, he wasn't so appealing, more bookwormy and hopelessly romantic and broody. Well, he was still kinda broody. She shivered, thinking of how his brownish-green eyes watched her, devouring her because he couldn't literally. They looked at her with passion and hope. Hope that she would love him back as much as he loved her, hope that they would be able to survive each other, together. 

"You cold, luv?" His boisterous English accent asked her, startling her.

"A little," she replied, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Well, trot on ov'r 'ere and I'll warm you up a bit," he winked and smirked his signature smirk.

Buffy smiled in spite of herself. "Right, because vampires are so full of warmth."

"Ooh, harsh girl," he said to her. Noticing that her attention was elsewhere, he asked, "You all right, Buff? Y'seem a bit distracted."

She shook her head. "It's nothing. Just thinking." 

" 'Bout what, s'pose?"

"Oh, I don't know. The looming threat of the apocalypse, the fact that Giles signed your death sentence, or maybe that there isn't anything wrong with me for once." 

Spike looked at her, eyebrows raised. "You don't 'ave to git all cheeky wit me."

Buffy exhaled annoyed, "I wasn't getting 'cheeky'. I was just grumbling."

"Well, grumble on over 'ere. I don't mind," Spike said. He motioned for her to sit next to him as he moved aside on his cot. Buffy complied. "No, tell ol' Spike what's wrong?" He brushed back a lock of her hair that had escaped from her ponytail and tucked it behind her ear. He didn't forget what it was like to touch her, just forgot how long it had been since he had. That last night before he left in search of his soul, was a bad one, one of the worst he'd ever experienced. And since that night, they had little or no physical contact. Wanting to reach over and kiss her, he held at bay his inner man, inner demon.

His thoughts were halted when he found that his hand was wet. Buffy's shoulders shook violently as she sobbed. "Buffy, what's wrong?" Spike asked. She didn't answer, she laid her head in his lap and cried. "Wha 'tis it, luv?" He stroked her head lovingly, concerned for her.

She looked up at him with poofy red eyes, "Is something wrong with me?"

"Aw, this 'ole song and dance again?" He stopped his rant when he saw her pathetic face with her big, green, puppy dog eyes. His face softened, "No," he answered truthfully. "You're perfect. There s'not a thing wrong wit you." 

His intense gaze made her feel a little better, safer. "Seriously, Spike. Something's wrong. The SITs did great in their training, Xander and Anya were civil to each other, Dawn and I had some sister-bonding time, nothing attacked us. All in all it was a good day."

She said the last sentence almost disappointedly. 

And then you start waltzin' 'round in the middle of the night, show up 'ere, hopin' for a bit of action?" He said slyly trying to get a rise of of her.

"Spike," she warned.

"C'mon, luv. Tell me you weren't thinkin' it?"

Buffy rolled her eyes, "Maybe." She sighed. "You don't think something's wrong?"

It was Spike's turn to roll his eyes. "No I don't. , Buffy, does something have to be wrong just because you had a good, albeit boring day?" She looked at him quizzically. "You're allowed to be happy."

"Allowed," she whispered hallow-voiced.

"Hey now," Spike turned Buffy's head towards him. His thumb rubbed against her bottom lip. God, her scent was intoxicating, it always had been to him. Everything about her drove him wild. He craved her like he craved cigarettes and blood. "No tears," he told her. He kissed her eyes, kissed her cheeks, kissed her nose. He brought his lips to hers, they were trembling. He didn't know if it was his lips or her lips that were trembling, it had been so long for them. He didn't kiss her, not right away, he just grazed her lips, not sure if she wanted him to go any further. 

Buffy wanted his touch, his kiss. She felt his passion for her, even though she tried telling herself it was nothing. God, she wanted him so badly. She wanted to be loved and return that love. She thought of Dawn upstairs, all the potentials sleeping, Xander, Willow, Anya, Giles. There was a war coming and her she was in the basement with the enemy. Well, not **the** enemy. Her slayer's enemy. 

He didn't kiss her though. He knew it wouldn't be right, as much as he wanted it, and he was sure she wanted it too, his conscience told him it wasn't the right time. "She'll tell you. Someday, she'll tell you." The words of Cassie, the psychic girl who predicted her own death, to him echoed in his mind every time he looked at Buffy. Tell him what? He didn't have the foggiest idea. Instead of going for his hormonal instincts, he opted for pulling her close to him and wrapping his arms around her. 

Buffy, surprised at his actions, went with it. Damn, she thought. She was almost sure he would kissed her. Caressing his arms, playfully, trying to get him started, didn't work. She pouted a little, but was content with him holding her. 

"You know," he said. "When I first saw you I wanted to kill you." 

Confused, she sat up to face him. "What? That's not exactly pillow talk, Spike."

He smirked. "Yeah, I know." He sighed. "I was thinking about when I first saw you. In the Bronze, that night I came to kill you. But when I watched you dance with Red and Xander, I didn't want to kill you anymore."

"What did you want to do?"

"I wanted to dance with you."

"Okay, huh?"

Spike rolled his eyes. "I wanted to dance with you, I wanted to kiss you, I wanted to kill you, I wanted to turn you, I wanted to do a lot of things to you."

Buffy thought, "Is that why you didn't kill me right away?"

Spike laughed, "I don't know. Every time I came up against you, I wanted to kill you. Somethin' always held me back, though." 

"What?" 

"Don't know."

She turned back around, wrapped his arms around her body, and thought about what he said. 'What if?' she thought as she stared off into the shadows. 

  



	2. Broken Bowls and Star Wars

Chapter Two: Broken Bowls and Star Wars

(Muchas Gracias for the reviews, especially dawn and maddman. You both made my day. Okay, I didn't put this in the last chapter, but I don't own Buffy or Star Wars. I just like borrowing them.)

Buffy awoke with a start. She had that dream again. The one where she's falling but before she hits the ground she wakes up. She glanced at the clock. The red digital numbers read, 4:54 am, it had only been 46 minutes since she had fallen asleep. After their 'talk', Spike had drifted off to sleep, while Buffy counted the cracks on the ceiling, managed to memorize every detail of Spike's arm, which had been wrapped protectively around her all night. She had tried every trick to fall asleep, but it was no use. 

Two excruciatingly, long hours later, she heard a crash upstairs followed by a scream. Thanking God for small mercies, she risked waking the sleeping vampire and rushed upstairs, half-hoping for a demon.

"What happened?" She demanded, bursting into the kitchen on full alert. 

Willow, who was sweeping up broken pieces of a ceramic cereal bowl, greeted her friend warmly. "Oh, nothing," she smiled. "Just a case of butterfingers. One of the SITs dropped a bowl then cut herself trying to pick up the pieces."

"Oh," Buffy said slightly disappointed. 

"Aw, don't worry Buff. I'm sure I can fix it with some super glue." Will examined the tiny pieces of blue. "Or maybe we could invest in some environmentally-friendly paper dishware."

"As long as we recycle," Xander said coming into the kitchen, he sat at the counter and popped a handful of Lucky Charms into his mouth. 

Anya, who followed him in, added, "Quite. Recycling can be very good for the Earth." Drawing raised eyebrows from the other three she added in her Anya-tact, "Plus you can use the recycle stubs as tax write-offs."

Willow rolled her eyes at the money-hungry ex-vengeance demon. "You want some breakfast?" She asked Buffy.

"No," Buffy replied. "Coffee."

"Coffee?" Since when do you do the Don Juan?" Xander asked. 

The blond shrugged, " If I don't pump some caffeine into my body, I'm afraid I might pass out at anytime."

"Still not able to sleep?" Will asked concerned.

"I dozed off for like half an hour last night with Sp..." Buffy stopped when she saw Xander's look of disgust on his face when she mentioned the bleach-blond vampire's name.

Willow, sensing the obvious tension, quickly continued. "Hey, how 'bout i try something to help you fall asleep?"

Buffy grimaced. "No offense Will, but I'm not into the whole magicks helping me out for my personal problems."

"Especially after what happened the last time," Xander added, referring to Buffy's unnerving rise from the grave ritual the performed.

"No," the witch protested. "Meditation. No magicks involved, promise." 

Buffy looked at Xander, who shrugged as he shoveled the marshmallow cereal into his mouth. She sighed, "All right."

  


Dawn sighed irritably from her perch on the couch. She had always wondered what it'd be like to have a large family. But after living with 10 girls her age, her older sister; the slayer, Willow; a powerful witch, an annoying, former 'evil' 'genius', and a vampire with a soul in the basement, in a house with one bathroom, she was ready to pull hair. Not to mention the constant demonic attacks, wonky occurrences, and the looming threat of the First, to keep everyone on edge.

At this moment, Andrew was rambling about some Sci-fi movie, while the SITs chattered noisily.

"Ya-uh," Andrew objected. "Anakin Skywalker and Lord Darth Vader are the same person. The Emperor made him more machine now than man twisted and evil, after he turned to the dark side."

One of the SITs, Megan, rolled her eyes, "Whatever. All I know is that Hayden Christensen was damned fine in the last Star Wars movie." The other girls all squealed in agreement. 

Andrew contemplated for a moment, then shook his head. "You slayerettes have no respect for something as great as Star Wars."

"Hey, Hey," Xander came into the room looking around incredulously at all the girls. The older girls were behind him. "Discussing movies while waiting for the Big Bad to Strike? Shouldn't you all be training?"

"I dunno, Xan. A conversation centered around Hayden Christensen is definitely important," Buffy teased.

Xander looked around the room, realizing there was void of testosterone. He was surrounded by girls and Andrew. He sat in a chair. After a moment he said. "You know, I always saw myself as a Luke Skywalker type."

Buffy knitted her brows, "Really? I always imagined you as the big, furry guy."

"Chewie! You guys are making me Chewbacca?!" He exclaimed. 

"I find you more like the ultra-sexy Han Solo," Andrew spoke up.

Xander gave him a look of horror and disgust while Buffy and Willow exchanged glances. 

"If anyone's Han Solo, it's Spike," Dawn said, beckoning the presence of the vampire. He was leaning against the wall in the darkest possible corner. 

Xander's face darkened, he glowered at Spike. Buffy walked over and closed the blinds on the windows, so Spike was able to move without being singed by the sunlight. The SITs stared at him adoringly.

"If I'm Han Solo, does that make Buffy Princess Leia?" Spike asked looking directly at Buffy. She tried not to respond to him, turning away from him. 

Willow came to her rescue and broke the rather uncomfortable silence. "Buffy's hair wouldn't look good in those double buns."

Everyone chuckled, grateful for the humorous remark. 

"You're right," Andrew whispered to Dawn. "Spike is definitely Han Solo." 

Dawn rolled her eyes, she watched her sister walk into the kitchen, then Spike follow her. The SITs watched Spike too, not doubt fixated on his tight, jeaned behind. Dawn sulked in the corner of the couch, while the rest of the people in the living room continued their Star Wars conversation. Once again, she was left out. Alone always, never able to quite fit in. She didn't want to have an inferiority complex, it's just the way things worked themselves out.

  


Inside the kitchen, Buffy collected the dirty dishes and put them into the sink. Spike watched from the doorway. "I know you're there Spike," she said turning. "Slayer senses, remember." 

Spike smirked, "Then why is your heart beating so fast?" When she gave him a bewildered look he smirked again. "Vampire senses, luv."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "My heart is not beating fast."

"Sure it is," he replied. He moved from the doorway to her in the lightning fast speed he had. His body moved into hers, her back against the sink, and she closed her eyes. Spike moved his head around hers, his eyelashes brushed her cheek as he breathed in her scent. Her heart was in fact, racing, he could feel it in her chest against his own lifeless one. 

"Spike..." she started, but he shushed her.

"Shh, luv," he pressed a black painted finger to her lips. "Just let us be." So she stopped. They just stood there, not really touching, except their bodies. No clumsy groping, or heated, lusty kisses. Just being close enough to feel her heart beat was all the intoxication for him. Buffy never remembered feeling like this with him. Sure, they had had some pretty torrid affairs, but this, this closeness, was giving her all the pleasure she needed. It was comforting and her heart slowed from the excitement before, to a rhythmic, calmer, thump, thump, thump.

Their moment was interrupted by an uncomfortable, familiar, clearing of the throat. Giles took off his glasses and cleaned them with a handkerchief. 

"Giles, what's up?" Buffy asked in an almost guilty pitch. 

"Well," the flustered Brit said adjusting his glasses on his nose. "Willow told me you've been having difficulty sleeping."

"You have?" Spike asked, quizzically looking at his lover. 

Ignoring Spike's question, Buffy looked at Giles. "Yeah, Willow's going to help me with that. You don't need to worry." She added the last sentence with a cross of her arms over her chest and a firm stare.

Giles nodded absently. Spike raised his eyebrows. The tension between Buffy and Giles was at a peak since that principal/child of the slayer that Spike last killed, Wood, tried to kill Spike. Apparently, Giles had a hand in the matter as well. Spike noticed that Buffy had moved in front of him, protecting Spike from Giles. 

"Anything else?" Buffy asked.

"Oh, no, no. You should get some rest, Buffy. It wouldn't be good if you weren't 100% if something happened." he said concerned for his slayer.

Buffy nodded, "Thanks." She said making it clear she wanted Giles to leave. She and Spike watched him walk out of the kitchen. 

  



	3. Meditation

Chapter Three: Meditation

  


"Just lie back and listen to the sound of my voice," Willow instructed trying to be as soothing as possible. She had popped in a CD of a waterfall or babbling brook to add to the tranquility effect. Tranquil or not, all Buffy knew was that the water made her have to urinate. She had also lit aromatherapy candles. Buffy was lying in her bed, all covered up in her sheets, and wearing her pajamas. It was still fairly light outside, the sun hadn't completely set yet. 

"Okay, lying and listening," Buffy said fidgeting.

"Stop moving and relax," Willow said a little less soothing. She lit a sprig of lavender. The scent tickled Buffy's nose. "Okay," she said going back into the soothing voice. "now relax all the muscles in your body. Start with your toes, feel all of them loosen up."

"This little piggy went to market; this little piggy went home; this little piggy slayed three vamps; this little piggy slayed none," Buffy recited giggling.

"Buffy!" Willow snapped. "Come on, try to take this a little seriously. Just relax."

"I can't," Buffy whined, kicking her sheets off her. "It's too hard."

Willow shook her head and covered her best friend back up. "You're all loopy from lack of sleep." Buffy sighed and let Willow proceed. "Let go all of your tension, your worries. Release it all into space. Imagine being bathed in a bright, white light."

"That's easy enough I've been through that experience," Buffy half-joked. 

"Buffy, be serious. You're making me feel all corny," Willow pleaded.

"Sorry, Will," Buffy apologized. She closed her eyes, "Okay, bring on the light." 

Willow smiled. "Okay, go to your safe place.: A smile spread across Buffy's face. "Where's your safe place?" 

"Mmm, lying in bed with Spike," Buffy answered not thinking.

"Really?"

"Uh... yeah," Buffy opened her eyes and Willow giggled then Buffy giggled..

"Okay, ahem," Willow cleared her throat after they were done. She lit another sprig of lavender. "Relax your arms and legs. Go to your safe place. Now, begin to breathe in and out slowly. Inhale all the positive, exhale all the negative."

Buffy didn't laugh this time. Instead, she started to fall into a deep sleep. Totally relaxing her body was the weirdest feeling, like being numb, but at ease. The lavender didn't itch her nose anymore, but now it was lit with different smells from the candles. Plus, the smell of Spike lingered somewhere near, as she fell completely to sleep. Willow left the good-smelling potpourri next to Buffy's bed and left the room and the slayer fast asleep.

  


Buffy felt totally at peace. She hadn't felt this way since, well, since she died, the last time. After what seemed like, hours later, she opened her eyes and looked over at the clock. It had only been a half an hour since she had fell asleep, yet she was refreshed. She went downstairs, but no one was there. No one was in the kitchen either, and Spike wasn't in the basement. 'Where is everyone?' she thought. She opened the front door and stepped outside. She stepped right into an all too familiar scene. There, atop the tower was Buffy and Dawn and Glory's Hell dimension that Dawn's blood had opened was growing. She saw herself run towards the end of the platform and jump off into the dimension. Buffy shuddered and gasped as she saw herself falling to the ground, dead. She looked around at her friends. Her sister, descending from the tower, shaking uncontrollably. Xander comforting Anya, or vice versa. Willow sobbing with Tara. Giles, wiping his eyes as his glasses fell to the floor. And Spike, who had collapsed to his knees, crying by himself. Of course, Buffy remembered none of this, so tears were running down her face as she watched them.

"It's hard to watch. Isn't it?"

Buffy spun around to see Tara. Pretty Tara all in white. "Tara?" She asked, not quite sure she should trust what she saw.

Tara smiled warmly. "Yeah. It's me. Not the first." She shook her head, her hair falling neatly onto her shoulders. 

"Really?" Buffy eyed the jumpy girl.

"Really," Tara insisted. "I'm here to help you. To guide you."

"I don't need any guidance."

Tara nodded. "You do, Buffy. You're gearing up for a battle you aren't sure you're ready to face. There's too much on your mind and until you're sure of yourself, you're going to fail." 

Buffy looked hard at Tara. "There's nothing wrong with me."

Tara nodded. "I know you don't think there's anything wrong. You don't want to believe that there's something wrong with you."

Buffy lunged at Tara, but she went right through her, tumbling towards the ground. "Who are you?" She demanded fiercely. 

Tara walked over to her and held out her hand. "I told you. I'm supposed to guide you."

Buffy looked at Tara's outstretched hand and at her kind face. Somehow, she knew, that Tara was telling the truth. She took her hand. "All right. What's wrong with me, now?"

Tara smiled. "Come on." 

"Where are we going?"

"Watch."

Buffy and Tara watched Buffy's death scene in reverse. When it was back to where Buffy and Dawn were standing at the top of the tower. "This is one of your biggest what-ifs." Tara explained. 

"What ifs?"

"It's what clouds your mind. All your fears and regrets. Everyone has them, only you get to watch yours over, in different outcomes." 

"But why this one?" Buffy asked, tears welling in her green eyes. "I have no regrets about this one."

Tara looked down, "Your fear of losing Dawn." She looked up to the tower. Buffy saw Dawn jump into the opening dimension. Dawn falling to the ground. Dawn dead. Then she saw a whirlwind of destruction, everywhere demons roamed, people dying, and Buffy shut in her room, screaming on the floor. She had never gotten over Dawn's death.

"Is this what would've happened?" Buffy asked.

Tara shrugged. "It's one of the outcomes."

Buffy shook. "I couldn't let her die. She's my sister, but..."

"What if she wasn't your sister? What if she was just the ball of light?" Tara said.

  


At home, in the living room. Dawn began to tingle all over her body. She squirmed in the chair. Suddenly, light exhumed from every pore in her body. A shiny, green light poured into the room. At that moment, Xander and Willow walked into the room, with Spike trailing them. They all stopped dead in their tracks, shielding their from the blinding light.

"Xander! Willow! Help!" Dawn screamed. Spike dove for Dawn's arm but it was too late. His grasp went right through Dawn's, as she turned into a ball of bright light. The Key.

  



	4. Bright Light

Chapter Four: Bright Light

(Short chapter, sorry. Thanks for all the critiques.)

"Dawn!" Willow screamed. Nothing was left of the girl. "Oh my god."

Xander helped Spike up, who had tumbled to the floor after trying to hold onto Dawn. "Thanks, " Spike said.

"Don't mention it. Seriously, never mention it," Xander replied.

Willow looked at the spot where Dawn disappeared. "Wha-what happened?" She turned to Xander. "Where did Dawn go?"

The three looked at each other. Xander spoke up first. "Is this another Big Bad trick?" He pinched Spike, who snarled menacing. "Just checking," he said.

"Check this, wanker," Spike's face changed into vampire mode. "Real enough?" His distorted face was right in Xander's.

"Stop it!" Willow barked at the boys. "We have to find out what happened to Dawn. I'm going to get Buffy." She started for the stairs when Spike, who had changed back into himself, grabbed her arm.

"No, Red. Buffy needs her rest, we can figure this out," he said.

Willow, noticing his concerned tone, nodded. "Okay. Xander go get Giles, he can help us."

"Hey!" Dawn's voice called out from above their heads. Xander swiveled around, "Dawn?"

Up above them, was a glowing energy ball of pale, translucent light no bigger than a softball. "Hey!" It shouted again. "Guys, I'm here!" 

"Dawn?" Willow asked the ball. "Is that you?" 

The ball of light seemed to nod. "Yeah. What happened?" It asked in Dawn voice again.

"I- I don't know," Willow replied looking at Spike, who shrugged still eyeing the ball. "I don't trust it," he whispered to Willow. 

"Dawn isn't the key anymore, right?" Xander asked. "I mean, Buffy made sure of that."

"I'm not sure Xander. But, uh, go get Giles any ways. We'll need him," Willow said and Xander ran out the front door. "Spike, keep an eye on... Dawn"

Spike ran and grabbed a large jar and lid from the kitchen, and stalked the ball of light. He held them like he was catching a firefly. 

"What are you doing?" Willow asked.

"Goin' to catch me a bit o' light," he answered. He jumped with vampire-like abilities and caught the ball of light in the jar. Slamming the lid on it, he laughed, "Ha ha, gotcha!"

"Spike!" It yelled. "Let me out!"

"Uh uh," the blond shook his head. "Not 'til the watcher gets 'ere."

Willow rolled her eyes and sighed. She looked to the stairs leading to where her best friend lay sleeping. "I should wake Buffy up."

  


Tara looked at Buffy. Tears rolled down her cheeks. "Is-is she really dead?" Buffy asked, still staring at herself on the floor. 

Tara shook her head. "No. Dawn is still alive. But not your sister. She lives as the Key now."

"Why aren't I doing anything?" Buffy asked. 

"You never got over her death. You all tried to bring her back, like Willow did for you, but it didn't work. Then things with Andrew, Jonathan, and Warren," Tara shuddered at her murderer's name, but she continued. "Happened, they opened the Hellmouth, Warren killed me, and Willow turned. She killed them all. Willow almost succeeded in destroying the world, but instead, she leads it. She killed Giles. "

"She killed him?" 

Tara nodded. "In a final attempt to stop her."

"What about Xander?" 

Tara looked down. "After Xander called off the wedding and Anya and Spike's uh, thing. Xander went after Spike." Buffy inhaled sharply. "Xander killed Spike. Then..." She looked at Buffy's fearful expression, "you killed Xander." 

  



	5. The Bold and the Unconscious

Chapter Five: The Bold and the Unconscious

(I like this chapter. I think it's interesting. Please Review and tell me your thoughts. Thanks!) 

  


Buffy looked up, horrified. "I, killed Xander, because he killed Spike?"

Tara nodded and pointed to the new scene in front of them. Xander with a stake running at Spike, who ducked him and punched him in the nose. Spike screamed in agony, clutching his head because the chip had been triggered. Xander tackled Spike to the grounded punching and kicking him. Spike fought back with little effort because every time he tried he'd have to hold his head. Buffy burst through the door just in time to see Xander raise the stake and plunge it into Spike's chest, turning the vampire to dust before her very eyes.

Buffy screamed, "No!" just as her other self did. She watched in horror as she grabbed Xander, throwing him back and driving her sword into him. She dropped to the ground beside Spike's ashes and Xander's limp, bleeding body. 

  


"Hey!" Xander exclaimed, grabbing his abdomen. He had just felt a searing pain tear through him. He fell to the floor. 

Xander had been escorting Giles and Anya through the house to the living room when he yelled in pain. "Xander! Giles, what's wrong with him?" Anya demanded hysterically. She flew to his side. "Help him!"

Giles bent over Xander, who was breathing raggedly. "My god, Xander what's wrong?" 

"I don't know," he confessed. He brought his hand up to his face. His hand was covered in blood. "Oh God."

Giles saw the blood and grabbed Anya's hands, laying them on his wound. "Put pressure here," he instructed. Shaking, Anya did as she was told. "Xander, honey, don't die." She looked back at Giles. He grabbed a kitchen rag from the counter and gave it to Anya. 

"What the bloody hell happened 'ere?" Spike walked into the kitchen after hearing the commotion. 

"Spike, shut up and help me get him to the couch," Giles snapped. Spike lifted Xander and took him to the couch. Anya trailed helplessly, placing her hands and the rag back on his wound. Willow stared at Xander and ran upstairs, coming back with some herbs. 

"Here," she mashed something green in her hand and applied it to the bleeding hole. "It'll slow the bleeding. What happened?" She asked. 

Anya sniffled, "I don't know, he just keeled over and began bleeding."

"What wrong with Xander?" The ball of light in the jar asked.

"I'm not sure, Dawn, but," Giles turned expecting to see the tall teenager, but instead saw nothing except something bright in a glass jar. "Dawn?" 

"I'm right here," the glowing ball chirped. 

Giles looked over at Willow. "Is that Dawn?"

The wiccan nodded. "Yeah, at least we think so." 

"Ah," Giles cleaned his glasses worriedly. "Tend to Xander, Anya. Willow, let uh, Dawn, out of that jar."

"I put 'er in there, just in case," Spike spoke up helpfully. Giles didn't acknowledge him and Spike glared and growled at him. 

"She's become the Key," Giles declared after examining Dawn/the ball of light. "How did this happen?" Giles eyed Willow as if she'd done something.

"No, Giles," she said as if she read his mind. "I didn't do any magic."

"No offense, but... (cough) I'm bleeding over here and (cough) Spike... is looking at me like lunch," Xander interrupted the uncomfortable stare down between with and watcher.

"Oh, pipe down, wanker. I'm not 'ungry, right now," Spike retorted, getting a scowl from Xander. 

"He could just pick me off at any moment, and no one would care," Xander muttered.

"I'd care," Anya said smiling warmly.

"Really (cough cough)?"

"No, but I was trying to be doting," she answered with a roll of eyes from Xander. 

"Where's Buffy?" Giles asked suddenly aware of the slayer's absence.

"Upstairs, asleep," Willow said. "We didn't want to wake her. She needed her sleep." 

"Well, go wake her."

"Can't," Spike said. "I 'ready tried. She's out like a light."

Giles raised his eyebrows and frowned. "You tried?"

"Yeah." Bracing for an argument, Spike set his jaw defensively, but Giles just inhaled deeply.

"Willow come with me," he said ascending the stairs. Willow, Dawn, and Spike all went with him. They all crowded in Buffy's room. She was sleeping peacefully, her blond hair surrounded her angelic-like. Spike's heart leapt in his chest when he saw her like that. His love, the love his life, he couldn't believe he thought of her like that. She was everything good in the world when at one time, his true love was a psychotic vampire with premonitions. But he had to admit, he had never had feelings about Drusilla, like he had with Buffy. He shook his head and tried to look like he hadn't been daydreaming.

"Buffy?" Giles shook Buffy, but limp as a rag doll, she didn't stir.

"Told you," Spike said.

Giles beckoned Willow. "Put your hands here." Willow lied her hand on the sides of Buffy's head. "Try to call her." Giles instructed. Willow did as told, closed her eyes, "Buffy?" She called out silently.

Buffy marveled at all the light and colors that surrounded her and Tara. She was going through a vortex of time, that's what Tara had told her. "Where are we going now?" She asked.

"You tell me," Tara replied. "It's your sub-conscience."   
Buffy looked around. They were back in Sunnydale at night, the night she had saved Willow from a vampire some six years ago. 

"Help!" Past Willow screamed. "Help me, please!" Buffy observed as she somersaulted over headstones. Flying high, she kicked the vamp, flinging him backwards and staking him easily. "Come on," Past Buffy exclaimed grabbing the quivering redhead's arm and running from the cemetery. 

Buffy smiled. Willow and her friendship was established in that moment. "I forgot how long Willow's hair used to be." She frowned at her own appearance. "Deja Ew. That haircut went out of style a millennia ago," she said. Tara laughed, but her expression turned serious. 

"What are you thinking of now?" She asked.

Buffy looked at Past Willow and her running away. "What if I wasn't there? What if Willow had been sired?"

  


Willow gasped, bringing herself back from trying to connect with Buffy.

"What happened?" Giles asked.

The witch rubbed her neck. "Buffy's not there. I mean, she's there, but she's like not." She looked at her comatose friend. "I could see her, but she was too far away to reach. Every time I got closer, she went further and further away." She thought for a moment. "There was someone else with her, though."

"The First?" Spike asked, glancing at the sleeping slayer. He remembered when he was under the influence of the First. He shuddered at the thought of Buffy going through that same kind of helplessness. 

Willow wrinkled her brow, "I don't think so. It was more peaceful, serene." She had a faraway look in her eyes. "Familiar."

"It could be the First. We know it can easily persuade us into believing anything it wants," Giles' gaze wandered to Spike. "We have to assume the worst."

"Right," Spike agreed.

"Willow, are you okay?" Dawn's echoey voice asked.

"Hmm?" Willow looked up at the ball of light. "Uh, yeah. Let's go check on Xander." She rubbed her neck again.

They all left the room. Spike closed the door, casting a lingering gaze on his sleeping slayer beauty. Downstairs, the Scoobies gathered in the living room. Kennedy had joined them and her and Willow were curled on a chair together, while Giles paced back and forth. Dawn flickered above Spike's shoulder, who was leaning against the wall. 

"Giles, will you sit? (cough) You're making me nauseous," Xander told him. He was still lying on the couch, Anya hovering over him. Willow had put some more herbs on his wound. They still weren't able to figure out what had happened. 

"Please Giles, I don't want him vomiting on my new blouse," Anya said in her tact, getting Looks from all.

Willow, still fidgeting with her neck, peered at Spike. He was toying with his silver lighter, resisting the urge to break the No Smoking in the House rule. Kennedy noticed Willow's preoccupation with her neck. 

"Did you hurt your neck?" the pretty, flaxen haired potential asked.

Willow winced, "I don't know."

Kennedy brushed Willow's red hair back, "Lemme see," she said. She frowned when she saw two puncture wounds appear on her neck. "What is that?"

"What?" Willow asked alarmed. She got up and looked in the hallway mirror. She touched the bloody wounds. "When did I--" she started but her eyes rolled in back of her head and fainted. 

"Willow!" Kennedy sprinted to her. Spike had caught Willow before she crashed to the floor. 

"Hey, Red," he coaxed. "Wake up." 

Giles came into the room from the kitchen, when he saw Spike holding Willow and the bite on Willow's neck, he grabbed the nearest sharp object, which happened to be a letter opener and charged at Spike. He lost his grip on her, and Willow fell hard to the floor. Giles backed Spike against the door and had the letter opener at his throat.

"Giles, no!" Dawn shouted. Giles turned to look at Dawn and his reaction gave Spike the opportunity to shove Giles away and turn the letter opener on him. 

"Careful, watcher," he growled. "Y'might 'urt yourself."

Giles glared at the vampire. "You're lucky Buffy is upstairs. Or I would've..."

"Would've what?"

Giles shrugged Spike off. He went to the girl's side. 

"Is she all right?" Kennedy asked tearfully. 

Giles checked her pulse, with a blinking look he answered, "She's dead."

"What?!" Dawn cried from above. "How can she...? How can she be dead?"

Giles checked her pulse again, "She's dead." 

"What's wrong? What (cough) happened?" Xander called from the couch. Wincing, he tried to sit up, but Anya pushed him back.

"No," she said. "Don't get up."

Suddenly, Willow stood up, pale and wide-eyed. "Willow? Are you...okay?" Giles asked, amazed. 

Kennedy wiped her eyes and stared at her, "Are you all right?"

Willow looked at Kennedy and Giles, and back at Kennedy. "I'm fine," she said honestly. 

"Do you need anything?" Kennedy asked.

Willow stared at Kennedy's neck. "I'm hungry," she said, her face changing into vampire mode as she dove at the girl, sinking her teeth into the juicy flesh of Kennedy's neck.

  



	6. The Gooey Mess

  


Chapter Six: The Gooey Mess

(Mwa ha ha ha. I loved the ending of the last chapter. Don't ask why. Please keep reviewing. Thanks for all the support.)

  


"Ahhhhhhh!" Kennedy let out a piercing scream.

"Whoa, Willow! Get off 'er," Spike seized vampire Willow by the shoulders, but she shoved him off. He was flung back, crashing into the coffee table. 

Anya gasped, "Spike! What's happening?" 

"Willow gone a li'l bit wonky," he replied, scrambling to his feet and going after her again.

Kennedy was fading fast. Her head was buzzing and her eyeballs felt warm, as it she had a fever, but she was cold from the waist down."Willow stop before you drain her!" Giles shouted. Willow pushed him away into the wall. Something must have gotten through though, because Willow hesitated long enough for Spike for grab her and throw her to the ground. Kennedy fell hard and passed out.

Willow flew at Spike with her new abilities, slamming him into the wall. Pictures and plaster fell around them. "I don't... want... t'hurt you, Willow," Spike grunted holding her flailing arms back as Willow tore at his skin and clothes. 

She threw her head back and laughed. "Please, Spike. You couldn't if you tried. You have a soul now," she mocked him.

"Grr... right," he backhanded her across the face and rammed her into the opposite wall. She dropped to the floor, out cold. "I 'ave a soul, but I could still 'urt you," he wiped the blood from his mouth. He picked her up and tied her in a chair. 

"Kennedy's all right," Giles said. He rubbed the back of his head where he connected it with the wall. "I put her upstairs." 

"Why is Willow a vampire?" Dawn asked. 

Giles, Anya and Xander looked at Spike. He threw his hands up. "Got me." 

"Well, someone must've sired her right now," Giles said. "How could she have become a vampire so suddenly?"

"What if this (cough) has something to do with (cough cough) why Dawn's a shiny ball of light, or why Buffy's (cough) out of service?" Xander asked. "And why I've been impaled by a (cough) invisible sword?"

"Xander may be on to something," Giles paced back and forth. "If only we could reach Buffy somehow," he tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I need to go and get a book. Anya, will you be able to watch things here?" 

Anya nodded, worriedly looking at Xander who groaned, "Hurry. Xander may not make it. Not that I care."

"Thanks, An," Xander grumbled. 

Giles nodded and left. "Spike, could you watch Xander while I get some more herbs?" Anya asked.

Spike agreed and sat across from Xander. "Don't expect me to get all Florence Nightingale on you, wanker. I need to make sure that Li'l miss vampire doesn't try to eat you." 

"Wouldn't want (cough) that to (cough cough) happen," Xander murmured incoherently. 

"No, not 'fore I 'ave the chance to," Spike joked trying to make Xander a little more at ease. Xander attempted to laugh but coughed up some blood instead. 'C'mon slayer,' Spike thought. 'Where are you?'

'Buffy?' Buffy's head snapped up at the sound of Willow's voice. She had been curled up, crying after she saw her best friend become a vampire. Of course, Buffy had to dust her. But her moment of pity had been interrupted. "Willow?" She called out. 

'Buffy, where are you?' Willow's voice asked.

"I'm right here, Willow, with Tara," Buffy answered to the voice. She gazed up at the sky, searching for Willow. "Willow?"

'Buffy? Buffy? Buffy?' Willow's voice echoed away. Buffy looked at Tara, who had tears welling in her eyes. She too had heard Willow's voice. "You heard her too, didn't you?" Buffy got to her feet and walked over to her. "Tara, listen to me. Something's wrong, Willow needs me. I need to get out of here."

Tara squeezed her eyes shut and then looked into Buffy's eyes. "Are you ready yet?"

"Ready? Ready for what, Tara?" Buffy asked wildly. 

"For your next challenge."

  


Spike had just closed his eyes when one of the potentials burst through the room. Amanda? Began to wave wildly at Spike. "Spike, there's a demon in the basement!" 

"Bloody hell," Spike grumbled. He and the girl raced downstairs, where the rest of th SITs were huddled together, cornered by a massive blob on the floor. The goo oozed towards the girls who screamed with every move. 

"Spike, what is it?" Dawn asked.

Spike shrugged, "Not sure, bit. 'Kay, girls, one at a time, jump ov'r the blob an' to me." The girls looked at each other, but knew to trust Spike because Buffy did. With slayer strength, a pretty blond one hurled over first. Then Chao-An, and Vi, Molly next, Rona hesitated and almost fell face first into the sticky mess, but Spike grabbed her before. But the blob popped up and latched onto Spike. He threw Rona back.

"Upstairs," he barked. "Now!"

"Spike, what can I do?" Dawn asked worriedly flitting above him. The vampire struggled as the blob drew him in closer. 

"Just..." Spike grunted. "get... someone."

"Right," Dawn flew upstairs and hollered for anyone. Anya was the first to come. "Spike needs help in the basement," Dawn explained frantically. Giles and Anya followed Dawn. 

"Ew!" Anya exclaimed when she saw Spike knee deep in the pinkish-purple slime. 

"Well, don't just stand there like twits, help me," Spike smart-mouthed. 

Giles grabbed a shovel, gave Spike one end and held the other as he tugged to get him out. "Stop, struggling, Spike," Giles said pulling with al his might.

"I ain't," Spike replied. All the grunting and pulling didn't do anything except that now Spike was waist deep in the muck. "Where the hell d' this all come from any way?" He had given up trying to get out. It seemed like a slower death if he wasn't trying to free himself.

  
" 'The Blob' definitely freaked me out when I was a kid," Buffy told Tara. They were walking through Buffy's old high school, before the mayor had destroyed it. It was night time, and Buffy still couldn't shake that feeling of being on high alert. Nothing could happen to her or Tara. She sighed. Old habits die hard.

Tara nodded in agreement. "Definitely don't like those old, science fiction movies."

"Yeah, as hokey as they are, they're still pretty scary."

"I always hated E.T." Tara said quietly.

Buffy laughed. "E.T.? But he was so cute."

"Mmm, no," Tara shivered, uncomfortable. 

"I was so afraid of going into the basement and The Blob being there, waiting to eat me up. Getting stuck in it and suffocating." Buffy wrinkled her nose. "It always weirded me out, the idea of drowning or suffocating."

"How did you get over it?" 

"What?"

"Your fear of the basement."

"Oh," Buffy checked the hallway they entered. All clear. "Well, after I nightmare I had about The Blob eating me. I went into the basement to see if it was real. I crept down and saw something moving on the floor. I didn't scream though. Instead I threw a cup of ice on the ground and ran back to my room and covered myself up with my blanket." Buffy laughed at her memory.

Tara laughed too. "Why'd you throw ice?"   
Buffy rolled her eyes. "That's how Steve McQueen killed it in the movie. By freezing it. So you know, ice, freezing? I wasn't and inventive child."

Tara laughed again and they continued their patrol around the school.

'Bloody bag of shit', Spike thought. 'So, this is how I'll go out. No cannons booming, fireworks bursting, trumpets sounding. Without Buffy knowing...'

"Y'know," Spike spoke up. "I didn't expect to die with half my ass stuck in a pile of goo." 

"Would you have preferred to be dusted? Like was originally intended for you?" Giles replied from his sitting position on the stairs. 

"Cheeky, old man," Spike smirked. He felt his body slip deeper into the muck. 'Ho hum,' he thought. 

"Would anyone care for some sun brewed tea?" Andrew's annoying voice called out from the top of the stairs. 

"No!" was the general reply. 

Andrew pouted. "Fine." He walked down a few steps the halted. "Holy smokin' rubber, Batman. What is Spike caught in?"

"It's some sort of gooey sand trap," Dawn explained. "The potentials were cornered by it until Spike came to save them, but got caught himself."

"Why don't you just freeze it?"

"What?" Giles, Dawn, and Spike all looked up at him. 

Andrew inclined his head, studying the pinkish blob that had engulfed nearly three-quarters of Spike. "Yeah. In the 1958 movie with the ultra-se..." He stopped when he got a few raised eyebrows. "Uh, ultra-cool Steve McQueen he freezes The Blob and everyone's happy."

"Uh, yes. Andrew go quickly and fetch the fire extinguisher from the kitchen," Giles said and Andrew left. He returned with the red canister in hand and proceeded to spray it over Spike and the blob. He lost control and Giles yanked it away from him. "Now," he said to Spike after the foam had froze the goo. "Break free." 

Using all his vampire strength, Spike shattered the hard goo. It disappeared on the floor. "Odd," Spike said. "Wonder where it came from?"

  



	7. Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

Chapter Seven: Ashes to Ashes Dust to Dust

(Thanks again for all the support. I'm actually having a good time writing this. You may all hate me though after you read this. Review!)

  


Buffy sat in one of the desks in a classroom. "I sat here and daydreamed about Riley," she admitted to Tara. Remembering her soldier-boy boyfriend made her smile, bittersweet. She truly loved Riley, but something held her back. Probably Spike, she snorted trying to stifle a laugh at her thought. Spike. 'When I first saw you, I wanted to kill you,' his confession about their first meeting turned over in her mind. How dare he tell her that. She knew it was just his way of clearing his conscience after the return of his soul. Spike was never much for tact, he preferred to tell it like it is. 

Spike. Their kiss in the alley behind the Bronze after that crazy day of singing and dancing. It that last song, the last song when he stopped her from combusting into flames, telling her that she needed to go on living, so that one of them was living. In that moment, something sparked in Buffy, she realized his love for her, and as much as she refused to believe it, she knew deep in her heart that she was drawn to him. 

After that, he professed his love for her again, and she beat him into mush. Then they had a wild, passionate fight ending with them having sex. Crashing through a termite-eaten floor was definitely not how Buffy pictured her ever doing it, but it worked. She could remember how he stroked her tongue with his and she tugged at his bottom lip with every kiss. When he was on top of her, her body writhing underneath, she knew drove him insane. He had made her scream in pleasure and she got him off every time she'd tie him up and play with him. Funny, she thought, how they hadn't done it since he returned with his soul. Maybe she was still afraid of what happened the last time she screwed a souled vampire. 

Angel. Her heart actually ached every time she thought of him. Her first love. He had loved her with all his heart and she returned it without hesitation. It was her fault he lost his soul. It could've been romantic. The whole 'His soul was taken from him because he had experienced a single moment of true happiness' and it was with Buffy. A very Shakespearean story. Angel left and Buffy was once again a lonely creature of the night. Only fitting that she find another being not too unlike herself. 

Still Spike was different that Angel. Angel was beautiful and romantic, and sensitive. And Spike was pouty, and selfish, sensual and broody. Well they were both pretty broody. Maybe it was a vampire trait. Angel wallowed in his thoughts while Spike shrugged them off, burying them in a locked coffin in his brain. When Buffy kissed Angel she burst with love, when she kissed Spike she felt guilty pleasure. They both had been Big Baddies in their time, Angel being the worse of the two. Despite everything, Buffy trusted Spike with her life countless times and he had on more than one occasion saved her and her friends from danger. He had never lied to her, he was there for her when she came back from the dead, he truly, truly loved her. Shit, he got his soul back for her. Spike.

His kisses were intense and powerful. He poured every single emotion he had into each one, making Buffy feel it. Whenever he touched her, explosions of electricity surged in her body. When he was inside her, thrusting into her, he was gentle. Yeah, they had some rough n' tumble sessions, but in their love-making he was totally tender. Like he was afraid to break her. 

"Buffy?" Tara roused the slayer out of her daydream. 

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Let's walk," stretching out of the seat, Buffy continued on with Tara.

  


"Listen, guys. I'm a lot better now," Willow pleaded. "See, all better." She wasn't in vamp mode, but Spike saw through that facade. He used that trick.

"Uh uh, Red," he shook a finger at her. "Not fallin' for that one." He was stuck baby-sitting the new vampire, Dawn-the-ball-of-light, and Xander. He didn't mind it, much. Better than being stuck in a glob of goo. Anya and Giles were in the kitchen researching in some musty book, while the potentials were in the backyard training. Kennedy still hadn't woken up, but Giles said the color in her face had returned. 

"Seriously, Spike," she said widening her eyes. "You don't wanna keep me cooped up." 

"Do not (cough cough) let her out, (cough cough cough)," Xander told Spike. 

Willow jerked her head toward Xander. "I smell blood," she said in a sing-song voice. "You smell good, Xander." She looked over at Spike, licking her lips. "What do you say, Spike? Untie me and we'll have a snack."

Spike smirked. "Yeah, well, I'd love t'join you, Red, but Xander's been bleedin' for a while. He's a li'l rank, I y'know what I mean."

Willow smiled evilly. She looked at Xander and chopped her jaw together. "Uh, thanks Spike. (cough cough) I guess," Xander mumbled.

"He's getting worse," Dawn whispered to Spike. He glanced at Xander. The bleeding was getting worse, the herbs had stopped working. His breathing seemed ragged and shallow, he groaned in pain every few minutes. "Maybe we need to wake Buffy up." She suggested. 

Spike sighed, frustrated. He couldn't very well go upstairs and try to wake Buffy up himself. Willow could barely get through to the unconscious slayer and he didn't have the ability to connect with her like Willow did. Or did he? "Wait 'ere," he told Dawn. "Call for the watcher if Willow gets loose." He bounded up the stairs. 'C'mon Spike,' he said to himself. 'You've got t'do this. For her.'

  


Buffy and Tara were still walking around the school. Now, kids surrounded them, running through the halls, laughing, making out, and talking. Principal Snyder was seen a couple of times. Buffy recognized the day as being the day of Parent's Night. She was on the verge of getting expelled by Principal Snyder, the guy who had it out for her from day one, and she was forced to set up refreshments for the parents. 

Just then, right after the sun had set, vamps burst through the doors and windows. They were ready to wreck havoc. Past-Buffy, slightly recognizing some of the vampires from the Bronze, ushered her Mom and the Principal into an empty classroom, and went into Slayer mode. She dusted a few vamps quickly, then was stopped by a familiar, bleach blond vampire wearing a leather, black trench coat and a smirk. 

Buffy turned to Tara. "I remember this. This night."

Tara stopped the scene with a wave of her hand. She looked at Buffy with an almost sad expression in her eyes. "Do you really want to see what happens next?"

Clueless, Buffy replied, "Sure. I know what happens next." Tara nodded and waved her hand again, continuing the encounter. Buffy observed her and Spike in their first encounter.

"Do we really need weapons for this?" Buffy asked.

Spike, with a stick in hand, smirked, smart-ass like, "I just like them." He replied and ran his hand down his chest to the top of his pants. "They make me feel all manly."

Then the fight began. A kick and a punch from Buffy. Back hand and trip from Spike. Buffy clocked him in the face. And he sent her flying back , crashing to the floor. He was on top of her. "C'mon Slayer," he taunted. "I di'n't think it would be this easy."

She shoved him off, he stumbled back. She grabbed the wooden stick he had dropped, she plunged it into his heart, perfect. "It was for me," she replied. She dropped the stick and ran for her mother. 

Buffy stood there in shock, staring, unblinking at the pile of dust on the floor. Spike. She dropped to her knees and sifted through the ash with her fingers. She fished out a small, silver lighter. "Spike," she whispered.

  


Spike was up in her room. He stood in the doorway, basking in her beauty. "Snap out of it," he ordered himself. He sat on her bed. "Buffy?" He said tentatively. "Buffy?" When she didn't wake, he muttered, "Bugger this," and placed his hands on the sides of her head as Willow had done. 'Concentrate, Spike," he said to himself. He closed his eyes and focused on Buffy. "C'mon, slayer. I know you're there." 

As soon as he focused on her, he was transported to where ever Buffy was. A room completely stark-white. Buffy rocking back and forth, her knees brought up to her chest. "Buffy, what are you doing?" He ran over and knelt in front of her. "Cor, Buff, y'need to get up. Everything's gone wonky," He pulled her arm up, but she stayed put. 

"No. No," she said wrestling to free his grip. "You're not real."

"Oh God. The First's got to you. Don't worry, luv. I'm 'ere now," he bent down to scoop her up, but she moved away. 

"No! You're not real, I killed you!" She screamed. Spike looked at her in confusion. The sudden sound of breaking glass caused Spike to whirl around. An all too familiar set played out. 

"Do we really need weapons for this?" Buffy asked.

Spike, with a stick in hand, smirked, smart-ass like, "I just like them." He replied and ran his hand down his chest to the top of his pants. "They make me feel all manly."

Then the fight began. A kick and a punch from Buffy. Back hand and trip from Spike. Buffy clocked him in the face. And he sent her flying back , crashing to the floor. He was on top of her. "C'mon Slayer," he taunted. "I di'n't think it would be this easy."

But then something happened that Spike didn't remember. He remembered Joyce, Buffy's mother, whacking him on the back of the head with an ax. Instead, Buffy shoved him off and he stumbled back. She grabbed the wooden stick he had dropped, she plunged it into his heart, perfect. "It was for me," she replied.

  


Spike withdrew his hands from Buffy, breaking his connection with her. "Argh!" He yelled feeling the wooded stake through his heart. **This** is how he was going to go out. Staked by his unconscious lover. Right before crumbling to dust, he whispered, "Buffy."

  



	8. Revelation

Chapter Eight: Revelation

(This one's a little short. Please critique this one.)

  


Giles thumbed through a thick, musty book. This research was getting them nowhere. Anya was tapping a pencil impatiently, she kept looking towards the living room where her ex-fiancée was bleeding to death. The rat-tat-tat of her pencil was slowly beginning to irk Giles.

"Anya!" he snapped. She looked up at him wide-eyed, obviously unaware of her irritating action. 

"Yes, Giles?"

"Please, desist your pencil tapping." She shrugged and he went back to his book.

Anya sighed. She closed her own book and went on to another. Suddenly, a light bulb went off. "What if when Willow was using meditation to help Buffy sleep, Buffy fell asleep and created all of this."

Giles looked at Anya's excited expression. "Of course," he said. "There had to be a direct correlation with Buffy's state of suspended animation and the strange occurrences. She must be dreaming all of this and it's coming true."

Anya nodded excitedly. "Yeah, and the First could be doing this."

"No," Giles shook his head. "The First can not take corporeal form. It must be using Buffy's mind against herself, much like it did too Spike. But now it's taken on a new power."

"Well, we have to stop it," Anya said plainly. 

"Yes, yes. We must try the connection ritual again. Willow can't do it, obviously. We'll need someone else who's close to her." Giles said knowing full well who they needed. He just didn't want to admit it out loud. 

Anya stood up. "Spike, let's get him." They hurried into the living room, where Willow was still tied up and Xander still bleeding. Dawn was flickering nervously around the room. 

"Where's Spike?" Giles asked Dawn.

"He's uh, upstairs, trying to wake Buffy up," Dawn said. 

"Oh, no," Giles started to run upstairs. "Anya, stay here."

"What's (cough) happening? (cough cough) Where's Spike?" Xander mumbled weakly.

"Shh, Xander," Anya comforted him. Tears started to well in her eyes. He was bleeding profusely now, he was shaking with every breath and coughed up blood. 'Spike, you'd better do something or I'm going to stake you if Xander dies,' she thought. 

"Thanks," Xander coughed. "Nice to know you'll (cough cough) still go all vengeancey on him for (cough) me."

"Shut up, Xander," Anya said the tears in her eyes falling.

  


Buffy curled against the wall of the school. She covered her face. She had just finished sobbing. It wasn't a pity sob, it was those gasping sobs, where she wanted to throw up afterwards. Her head throbbed and her eyes hurt from the crying. She killed Spike. She killed Spike the first time they met. Of course, she's have felt no remorse back then. So why was she crying now? It wasn't real.

"Can I go now?" She asked Tara. 

Tara looked at her. "Why?"

"Because, I need to wake up and make sure everyone is all right."

Tara crossed her arms. "They're okay. They're happy now." 

"What?" 

"They're happy now. You've done everything you needed to do," she explained. 

"W-what? Tara, you're scaring me." Buffy straightened up. An eerie wave of awareness washed over Buffy. "Stop! Stop it!" Buffy hissed. 

"Stop what, Buffy?" Tara asked moving closer to the crumpled blond on the floor. "You wanted this.

"I can't take it anymore!" She cried. 

"Do you realize it now? Do you realize you didn't save everybody," Tara said to her, her voice low. 

Buffy looked up at Tara, whose face was oddly calm. "What are you talking about? I never said anything about saving anyone."

"Didn't you? That's your worst fear and your worst regret. That you didn't just kill them all when you had the chance, that you didn't just let them die, so they wouldn't have to go through all this." She clucked her tongue her head, her green eyes becoming dark. She gave her a venomous smile. "Oh, Buffy, You should just give up now, save yourself the mess." Buffy stared at Tara incredulously. This wasn't Tara. 

"Who are you?" Buffy growled. 

Tara laughed wickedly, "Don't you recognize me, luv?" She morphed into Spike, Cassie, Eve the dead potential, Glory, Angel, then into Buffy. "I'm you."

Buffy struggled to get to her feet. "No." She said. "I'm not a killer." She ran into the First, but of course, went right through.

Buffy the First laughed again. "Sure you are, Buffy. You would've killed all your friends. You already killed your lover, Angel. You drove everyone away. You've killed everyone's faith in you. Soon, they'll turn on you." Then she disappeared leaving Buffy shaking on the floor. 

  


Giles burst into Buffy's room. Buffy was still asleep on her bed, but a pile of dust attracted Giles. "Oh, no," he whispered. He ran downstairs. Anya was weeping next to Xander. 

"Xander's dead," she cried. Quiet whimpers came from Dawn. Suddenly, Willow broke free of her restraints and attacked Giles. Anya switched into demon mode. "Get Back!" She snarled.

Willow laughed. "Right. Anya the big bad, make an appearance." She switched into vamp mode. "Let's go, then."

Dawn flew around helplessly. There wasn't anything she knew she could do. Then she let out a flash a bright light at the fighting girls, sending Willow cowering for the dark. "Hurry!" She cried as Giles and Anya grabbed Willow and forced her down.

'Oh, Buffy, wake up!" Dawn thought.


	9. Rude Awakenings

  


Chapter Nine: Rude Awakenings

(Yeah, okay. I knew I was going to piss some people off. Sorry!Thanks again for everything. Queen, you made my week!)

  


Buffy stood up. She wasn't going to sit here and pity herself. Her friends still needed her. She had to stop this apocalypse. She walked out of the school, into the light and back into reality. She gasped, waking with a start. That dream, that nightmare, was, awful. She sat up, pushing her bedcovers aside. She rubbed her temples, her head hurt like she had been crying. She got up and looked in the mirror. Ooh, yuck, her eyes were all red and puffy too. She must've been crying in her sleep, she hated that. 

As she was fixing herself in the vanity mirror she spied a pile of dust on her bed. Feeling like she was experiencing a Deja Vu, she sifted her fingers through it and fished out a silver lighter. Spike's lighter. Disbelieving what she saw, she fled downstairs, hoping for another dream, but ran right into an all out brawl. Willow punched Giles sending him tumbling over Anya. Anya, with her game face on, attacked Willow with full force, pummeling her in the stomach over and over.

"Stop!" Buffy shouted. The fight stopped, Anya and Willow staring at the fully-conscious Buffy. "What the hell is going on?" 

Willow flew at Buffy, but she grabbed her arm and twisted it behind her back, hearing the bones snap. "Bu-buffy," Giles said, Anya helping him get to his feet. "You're awake."

"Yeah," Buffy replied still holding Willow the vampire. "Now tell me, what's happening?"

Just then a blast of light exploded in the room. They all shielded their eyes, it dimmed, revealing he last person Willow thought she'd ever see.

"Tara?" she whispered. Her face changed from vamp mode back to her own face.

"Get back," Buffy ordered. "It not really her."

"No," Willow said walking to her. "It is Tara. I can tell." They all watched as the two lovers embrace each other. "I thought... I'd never..." Willow couldn't even get the sentence out with out dissolving into sobs. They held one another for a few minutes.

"So, it wasn't you in my dream?" Buffy asked after they broke free. 

Tara shook her head no. "It was me, at first. You did need guidance, Buffy." Everyone stood there trying to comprehend the situation.

"Okay, so Buffy's awake. That mean everything should go back to normal, right?" Dawn asked.

Buffy looked for Dawn in the room, but all she saw was a bulb of light hovering nervously overhead. "Dawn? Willow? It was all real?" She said starting to sit on the couch. She jumped up before she almost sat on Xander. "Xander? Is he...?"

"He's dead," Anya said flatly. "He bled to death."

"Bled to death?" Buffy echoed. Willow was a vampire, Dawn was a ball of light, Xander was dead, Spike was... "Oh God," she covered her mouth. "What have I done?"

"You did this?" Giles asked. "I thought it was the First." 

She nodded. "I dreamt that Dawn was the Key, that I didn't save Willow when she was attacked by vampires, that I... I killed Xander because he killed Spike, and I killed Spike... the night... the night... we first met." 

"Spike?" Dawn's voice warbled. "He's dead?"

"So change it," Anya demanded. "Change it all. Bring Xander back."

Buffy looked at Anya, "I... I don't know how."   
Tara cleared her throat. "Yes you do. You know how to change it, just tell them all why you dreamt all this." 

Buffy glanced at everyone in the room. Willow, Anya, Giles and Dawn all eyed her bewilderedly. Buffy knew what to say, she inhaled, tears welling fast. "I'm sorry about dragging you all into this. I wish I wasn't in your lives because then, maybe then, you all wouldn't have to go through all this." She closed her eyes. Dawn changed back into her sixteen year old self. She changed mid air and fell to the floor. Xander's eyes flashed open as he gasped for air. 

"Oh, Xander!" Anya cried out throwing herself on him.

"Oomph!" Xander said. "Hi, Anya."

Willow changed into her vampire face then back into her regular face. She reached up to feel her neck, the bite marks were gone. "Whoa, that was weird." She turned to her former girlfriend, who smiled at her. 

"I have to go now," Tara replied.

Willow nodded, tears cascading down her cheeks. "I know."

"I love you." 

"I love you." They kissed and Tara evanesced, leaving Willow shaking as Dawn reached over and held her tight.

During the gang's whole transformation back into normal-dom, Buffy slipped upstairs. She shuddered as she opened her door. Praying that Spike would be sitting on her bed with his signature smirk, she as greeted rudely. He wasn't there, just the mass of dust that was her former lover. She knelt beside her bed, trembling. Big, salty tears rolled down her cheeks and off her nose. She set her head down on her knees. Maybe Spike didn't come back because he wasn't in the room when she bared her soul. 

"God damnit, Spike," she whispered hoarsely. She grieved in silence when she heard a groan. She swiveled around and gasped, clocking the newly risen vampire in the face. 

"Balls!" He exclaimed. "Always the nose, slayer."

"Spike!" Buffy gasped. "Oh, I'm so sorry."

"No worries, Buff. I'm all right." He said checking his nose for blood. He looked up at her tear-stained face. "Buffy, you all right?" 

She shook her head. "No. I'm not. But I'm better now."

He looked at her puzzled, but she grabbed him and held onto him, leaving him even more confused, but enveloped her in his arms.


	10. Confessions of a Insert Adj Here Mind

Chapter Ten: Confessions of a (Insert Adjective Here) Mind

(Here it is. The Last Chapter. I hope you all enjoyed this. I wanna say how deeply touched I am by all of your support and feelings on this story. Gracias.)

  


"Buff, still having trouble sleeping?" Xander asked.

Buffy turned around at the sound of Xander's voice. She had been sitting in the kitchen, thinking about what had happened that day. She smiled, "No, just sippin' some tea." She held up her mug as an indication.

"So," he leaned against the door frame, "are you okay?"

Buffy sighed, "I think so. Better, that's for sure."

Xander nodded. Buffy could tell there was something else he wanted to say. "You know, I'm not sorry that you dragged us into all this. I don't wish you weren't a part of our lives. If you had never come to Sunnydale, my life would be a lot more boring."

Buffy stared into the tea in her mug. Big, warm tears stung her eyes but she blinked them back. 

"Any ways, get some sleep. Goodnight." Xander said leaving the kitchen. "Goodnight," Buffy called back, but Xander was out of earshot. She sniffled and put her mug in the sink. She climbed the stairs to her bedroom. On the way she looked in on Dawn. She chuckled, Dawn was drooling on her pillow, sound asleep. She passed by Willow's bedroom, she stopped and debated about going in. She had her hand on the doorknob, but it jerked away as Willow flung open the door and half-screamed.

"Buffy! I didn't know you were there! Are you okay?" Willow asked flushed.

"Yeah, Will, I'm okay. What are you doing?" 

The witch looked down at her slippered feet. "Oh, i was going to go check on you," she confessed.

"Why?"

Willow shrugged. "I wanted to tell you that I'm not mad at you, you know for turning me into a vampire and all."

"Thanks," Buffy said sheepishly.

Willow fidgeted. "I also wanted to tell you that, I've never regret you saving me. If you hadn't saved me, I would've turned into a vampire and you would've killed me. It's a pretty good deal here."

Buffy looked at her best friend. "Uh, you're welcome?" 

Willow smiled. "You're welcome too." They reached over and hugged each other, tightly. "I'm glad you're my best friend." 

"I am too." 

Willow went back into her room and Buffy continued to her own. When she reached it, she snuggled under the covers. Her satisfaction was halted by a sudden creak from the door. Her eyes flashed open, nothing had changed in the room. Wait, there it was, that faint smell. Leather, cigarettes, and after shave? 

"You're losing your touch, Spike," she replied sitting up. "And when do you shave?"

The vampire emerged from the dark corner, "Yeah," he smirked, "Must be all this bloody good-doing. Makin' me careless an' such."

"And the after shave?"

He shrugged, "Thought you might like it. Girl at the mall said it makes the ladies go wild."

Buffy smiled. It felt good. "Are you having trouble sleeping now? Lurking around the house, hoping for some action?"

Spike sighed. "You know, Buffy..." he said coming over and sitting beside her on the bed. He looked down at his black-painted fingers nails. He couldn't seem to find the right words. She reached over and took his hands in hers, she whispered. "I thought I had lost you."

He looked up at her surprised. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"For a moment you did." 

"I know. I understand it now."

"What's that, luv?"

Buffy looked into his eyes that looked back at her with curiosity, love, and a slight sadness. "Everything. Why I couldn't kill you all those times, why my friends are still her by my side, why I'm still here."

"Why?"

"Because, people have faith in me. They have hope in me. That's just enough to keep me going." She felt a huge weight lift, it was one of many, but it was an important one.

Spike kissed her forehead. "You know why I could never kill you?"

"Because I'm that good?"

He rolled his eyes. "No. I knew from the moment I saw you, that you were different. You're good and bad, light and dark, beautiful and ugly."

"I'm ugly?!"

"Not like that. You have ugly truths inside, ugly feelings to deal with. You're everything that's worth living to me. When I realized that, I never wanted to be away from you. I love you." He stopped and looked at her, half wincing to hear her reaction.

She caressed his cheek, soaking in all that he said to her. "I know," she finally said. He wrapped his arms around her and lied back on her bed. They lied there the entire night, both awake, comforted by each other's presence. 

'Someday, she'll tell you...' Cassie's haunting message repeated over and over in Spike's mind. "Someday..." Spike whispered out loud. 


End file.
